Reflections: Sunrise, sunset

Sunrise, sunset
Sunrise, sunset
Swiftly fly the years
One season following another
Laden with happiness and tears

It's officially one week until graduation. 

Last night, I was lying in bed, not sleeping, thinking too much. I cried.

It seems fitting that this year should end the way it began - with tears. 

Reflecting back on the beginning, it is unbelievable what God has done in my life this year. Take a trip with me, back to August 2010...

It's not like I was going to a foreign country, I mean, ya it's the US, but growing up 10 minutes from the Washington border, it's not much different from home. Perhaps, it was the four day trip, stretching out mile after mile, that made it seem as if I was pretty much leaving the solar system. I remember staring out the window those long hours on the road, seeing the landscape change, feeling like I was making a huge mistake as my heart kept squeezing and I felt more and more sick. Watching my family drive away, down that long dirt road on Aug. 26 was the worst moment of my life (little did I know it was really the beginning of the best year of my life!). I felt completely alone, abandoned and scared. I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to stay and there was no way I was going to quit but it was a huge thing for me. I remember Jen was there to give me a hug and Jessica came out and hugged me too. I spent that first day gulping for air as if trying to stay above the flood waters of my own tears. The first week wasn't much better, I felt so unknown, if that makes any sense. I was quiet, reserved, just trying to keep from bursting into tears in my insecurity. I would get through each day, slowly opening up, like a reluctant flower in the spring (...well, spring where I come from...there seems to be a lack of that generally natural phenomenon in this area...). I would barely eat because I was so emotional (that changed fast enough). It was a few days before I could go without crying at night, just because I felt so alone and insecure.

Looking back on that girl at the beginning of the year, I barely recognize her. I understand her though, and it's odd because I can almost feel those same emotions again as I think back on them. I've always been an emotional person - like REALLY emotional. This can show itself in being super dramatic, outgoing, giggly, passionate...or it can be expressed in anger, tears or extreme quietness...Perhaps some day I will level out (which will probably make life easier for everyone). Anyways, at the symbolic "sunset" of my year here, I can only look back on those days with appreciation for what God has done and how He totally pulled me through. I always knew He would and that is the only reason I could even think of coming here. I would go through those hard days over and over again to experience the blessing I have had this year at JHBC. Jackson has become like a second home to me, these people have become my family and it hurts too  much to think of leaving them. I may see them again, but it will never be like this. These 9 months were a gift from God which I will never forget and will never cease to praise Him for.

Time for the next season...