My best girl

Saying goodbye once again. This time to a beloved friend and four-legged member of our family. We were blessed with twelve years of furry companionship with our dear Java, and yesterday we had to say goodbye.

I hardly remember life without Java. I was only eight when Jordan brought her home, an adorable bundle of big eyes and soft paws. Ever since, her expressive sweet face has drawn friends and strangers alike to adore our beautiful girl. She was Jordan's best bud out there on the farm and running all over the mountain. She was always ready and eager for a swim in the lake, a dirt bike chase or a cuddle by the campfire. She became my best girl as we spent early mornings walking, watching the sunrise, and afternoons delivering papers together. She kept us warm in tent on camping trips, cleared the beach of rocks for us, ate up all our leftover lettuce heads, and cuddled with our kittens. Ever loyal, ever true. There is hardly one childhood memory that doesn't include her smiling face. How thankful I am for the years we had with her.

Of course she had her animal moments: tearing off after an illusive rabbit or barking throughout the night, keeping everyone up. She couldn't stand wind or thunderstorms or fireworks, poor delicate pup. Then there was the ever frustrating disappearances when she decided to wander off only to return in her own good time. But she always did return, every time. Her big brown eyes staring up adoringly even as her tail drooped in apology. It's hard knowing she won't be coming back this time.

She was our perfect dog. Loved by all the whole family and she loved us in her doggy way. Even Mom and her had an understanding I think. They loved each other in their own way, respected each other and protected each other. No other pet has really fit out family like Java and I'm sure none will.

As we continue to find little pieces of her throughout the house and yard, the constant reminder of her missing presence is surreal. The shock of saying goodbye so fast isn't easy but the years of memories are a balm to our hearts. She was truly a gift, a blessing, and a special friend.

We'll miss you Javapup.

Sudden yet Sovereign

A melancholy heaviness has beset me. It's a sadness, not despairing, but troubled. It comes after the shocking news of Dr. Dave's sudden death. I mean, I didn't really know him well, and yet he had a deep impact on my life, helping to grow my faith in the short week that he taught at JHBC last year. I remember his characteristic laugh and his joy in the Lord, excited to share his knowledge and wisdom with students of all ages. It's just so weird to hear that he is gone, gone to be with our Saviour.

It just seems so random, so out of nowhere. It was just Monday I was hearing about his recent visit to the college to teach...and now he's gone. It's interesting that he taught about God's will and I know, obviously this is all in God's will and yet we, left behind here, just really can't understand it all. And so, I know God is in control and Dr. Dave is with Jesus, yet it's still confusing piecing together the grief of being left of behind, the moving on, the next step. I guess I could totally let it not effect me. I mean, it's likely I'd never see him again on this earth anyways and yet, we have a connection; we're family through Christ and so maybe that's why it affects me more than some newscast announcement. I think of his family and those close to him and I grieve for them and the changes they are facing. And yet I know that they have comfort in the knowledge of the truth, just as I do.

How blessed we are to leave the questions with God; to trust His sovereign control in all things.

I'll be home for Christmas

It's really over.

Over the last three days I have hugged, cried, and waved as I watched my dear friends drive away. It's hard, being the last to leave. I'm not going to lie, it's a lonely place tonight on this empty campus. I'm all packed up, ready to head out tomorrow afternoon, ready to start the next step.

The last week here was packed with such amazingly awesome times. We stayed up late, played games, chatted about anything and everything, went out to eat, played broomball (still sore, but SO worth it), and just ENJOYED each other. I also finished my work here, well obviously the book will be a continuing project but we are as complete as we can be on our draft, waiting to hear back from the editors now. It felt so bizarre to finish up everything. So fulfilling, yet it left me feeling all jittery and odd. I was rather hyper and giddy as well. As you can probably guess, it made for an exciting evening.  :)

And so now, I sit in my lonely, empty house. Looking around as memories flash by me. I hear echoes of laughter, can still feel the hugs of my friends, and see glimpses of their twinkling eyes. How I will miss living here and being a part of their lives in this way.

I still can't get over how I blessed I am. As I was packing I came across a picture of me from my very first day in Jackson Hole. I stared down at the girl in the photo, looked into her uncertain eyes and asked, "Would you ever have guessed? Could you ever imagine God would have given us this amazing year and a half?" I remember clearly that girl, I know her well, she's still very much a part of me but, well she's also practically a stranger. God has grown me so much over the last 18 months. I have experienced so much, learned so much, and I pray matured and grown wiser through it all. I have never before had such a great trust in God and His plan, a dependance on His faithfulness. Truly, even though I am uncertain about my future, I am sure that He is in control and so I rejoice at the uncertainty, for through it, God will prove faithful yet again.

And so Canada, watch out. I'm coming home.

A Sad Day

The Stanley Cup FINAL! Game 7! Canucks vs Bruins!

Hockey with my buddies = best times

I don't think I have ever been this excited, anxious or stressed about watching a sport. Seriously, I've never been really into watching sports, much preferring to play but when it comes to hockey and the Canucks actually doing really well, well, I had to join in the spirit. I mean, maybe being Canadian does have something to do with it because though I've never really cared much about the sports world, when it comes to hockey, my interest is piqued. I've always cheered for the Canucks but never been a very good fan, I'll admit it (however, after this year I'll probably always be engaged in the whole thing because I've come to really enjoy watching them play).

Megan is Burrows, Gabriella is Kesler and Danae and I are the Sedin twins of course!

Anyways, all this to say, I've been hosting parties for most of the games the last series of the playoffs and had a blast hanging out with my friends and getting excited. So of course, game 7 we were gathered once again at my place to watch in horror as our team fought a losing battle. It was probably harder for us all because EVERYONE predicted a win for the Canucks and our hopes were so high only to crash down even harder. I mean really, it didn't affect me that much, but for the moment of sadness. It's definitely a good reminder not to make hockey and the Canucks into an idol...because...well, they will ultimately fail you in the end. (No, I'm not being pessimistic about future Canucks attempts at the cup, but just pointing out that it will not bring you happiness even if they do win.)

still keeping our hopes up

Anyways, so as anticipation mounted throughout the day, I made a fabulous Stanley Cup cake which...didn't really look like the Stanley Cup, more like a little boy's birthday cake...Danae and her friend blew up balloons, Mom and I made spaghetti for everyone and people started showing up. We were all so sure things would turn out just swell, but after the first period...well, we tried to stay positive.

facing the inevitable

As it turned out, the Canucks lost the Stanley Cup but you know, I don't even mind when I think about it because, my favourite part of the whole series was the chance to hang out with my friends and just get excited about something. Besides, we still got to eat my delicious chocolate cake, so all wasn't truly lost!

"the cake is a lie"

The saddest part of the whole thing was what happened in Vancouver that night. I think it's ridiculous to blame the hockey game because the people who started those riots came there intent on doing so no matter the outcome. It sickened me to watch the images of my fellow human beings lighting cars on fire, smashing windows and worst of all, beating other people. As I watched the terror unfold on my television amidst smoke and flames and broken glass tears welled in my eyes and slid down my cheeks. It's scary to witness a world without God. How we are to be saved from ourselves, for I am sure, without His grace, the whole world would dissolve into such chaos. It is sad that whenever I think of the Stanley Cup or hockey, those images will come to mind; sad that a few dozen drunken idiots can incite thousands to rage and rampage; sad that even one person would throw a brick in unbridled violence; sad to think of the life they have lived which would lead them to such a state. It was indeed a sad day, not because Canucks lost, not because our hopes were crushed but because we saw humanity in such a state of sinful, violent, evil display.

just chillin after the game, not doing anything illegal...unlike SOME people

29 Pieces

I don't know what a broken heart feels like
But I bet it feels something like this
There is a stretching, a tearing
With every mile we drive
Farther and farther
How much can one heart take?

Sick and teary-eyed, I stare out the window
Wishing back times gone by
As my heart slowly rips into 29 pieces
As even slower I say goodbye
Each person so much a part of me
Each one taking that part away with them
And there's 29 pieces spread over the nation
Spread over the continent
Spread over the world
Perhaps never to be seen again

And as my heart aches with the pain of leaving you
And as the tears stream down my cheeks
I realize that we are still connected
Dozens of memories bind each piece

29 strands of laughter and tears
29 ropes of hugs and high-fives
29 bridges of love so deep,
Bridges that I can stand secure on
A family bond that cannot be broken
Experiences never forgotten
An infinite God that holds us together
What am I really afraid of?

It dawns in my mind that each of those precious 29 pieces,
The fragments of my heart I've given away,
Has been replaced with a piece of each of you
A piece I will cherish and never lose
And one day in the future, we will be together
Never again to part ways or cry
We will sing again, laugh again, with joy everlasting
All of us, the 29 pieces of my heart