29 Pieces

I don't know what a broken heart feels like
But I bet it feels something like this
There is a stretching, a tearing
With every mile we drive
Farther and farther
How much can one heart take?

Sick and teary-eyed, I stare out the window
Wishing back times gone by
As my heart slowly rips into 29 pieces
As even slower I say goodbye
Each person so much a part of me
Each one taking that part away with them
And there's 29 pieces spread over the nation
Spread over the continent
Spread over the world
Perhaps never to be seen again

And as my heart aches with the pain of leaving you
And as the tears stream down my cheeks
I realize that we are still connected
Dozens of memories bind each piece

29 strands of laughter and tears
29 ropes of hugs and high-fives
29 bridges of love so deep,
Bridges that I can stand secure on
A family bond that cannot be broken
Experiences never forgotten
An infinite God that holds us together
What am I really afraid of?

It dawns in my mind that each of those precious 29 pieces,
The fragments of my heart I've given away,
Has been replaced with a piece of each of you
A piece I will cherish and never lose
And one day in the future, we will be together
Never again to part ways or cry
We will sing again, laugh again, with joy everlasting
All of us, the 29 pieces of my heart

Just who were you anyways?!?!?

When you think about the Bible, I'm sure there are some popular stories and people that automatically come to mind. People like Adam and Eve, Noah, Jonah, Daniel, David etc. We have lots of information about these people and we feel like we kinda know them but I've been wondering lately about the other people in the Bible, the ones we don't know much about. I want to know them more! Like, you know when you talk about heaven and seeing all these people and you get asked who you'd really like to meet? Well, I can't wait to meet the obscure people with only a few verses in the Bible. I mean, they must be important or they wouldn't be in there! And there are so many unfinished stories that I can't wait to hear fleshed out. I'll give you some examples:

Okay, so one I have been wondering about lately (seeing as it is Christmas time) is the wise men. I wonder if they will be in heaven. I mean, they came all that way to see the Savior, they must have believed He existed, so were they saved? If so, I'd love to hear their story! Like, what happened when they got home...where WAS home? Did they have families? Kids? How were their lives effected by seeing Jesus? Did they ever come back and search for Him later? Did they hear what happened?

Along those lines, what about the shepherds? How amazing would that be, to see all those angels, to see baby Jesus, to hear Mary and Joseph's story. I wonder how they lived the rest of their lives.

Another couple people I'd like to know more about would be Enoch and Methuselah. You hear so little about Enoch, but what was it like to "walk with God" and then suddenly he "was not". What a crazy life story! And Methuselah, wonder what he did all those years in his super long life!

And then there are the judges. Some of them we are given more information about but really, on the whole, we don't know much about them and I'd love to hear their life stories. For instance, Shamgar who as like one verse: "And after him (Ehud) came Shamgar the son of Anath, who struck down six hundred Philistines with an oxgoad; and he also saved Israel" Judges 3:31. Like...WHAAAT!?!? an oxgoad? really? Dude! I wanna know more!

And I'd like to know more about Boaz. What did they guy do before he met Ruth? How come he was like such a nice guy, during the brutal era of the Judges. What was their life like together?

And what about David's "mighty men"? How cool would it be to meet them!?!?

I'd also like to talk to all the people who were healed by Jesus. What must it have been like to be miraculously healed, by the Savior? To have faith and know that your daughter or servant has been given life, to see your friend raised from the dead, to walk again, to see, to be healed of leprosy, to be freed from the grasp of a demon. What about the little children that sat on His knee and were blessed. How did they live their lives?

Similarly, what about the one scribe who asks about the greatest commandment and "answered intelligently" (Mark 12:34)? Jesus said he was not far from the kingdom - did he make it? Did he believe?

And all the disciples that went out and preached and we don't have their stories, their testimonies. I can't wait to hear what happened to them, how they saw the Spirit work in other people's lives in those first years of the church.

I could go on forever probably. All these people that I want to meet and talk to, and one day, God willing, I will! It's weird how I feel this odd connection with them, though I don't know them, I know that we are family. Christ's family is vast and wonderful to be a part of. How blessed am I that God would choose me, that I have been saved and have become part of this family. Praise the Lord for His grace and love!

Home, a little unorthodox, but I got here

Was rudely awakened this morning by some hungry crows thumping and knocking on the roof. Apparently people think it is oh so funny to dump their pita bread stuffs everywhere and in doing so attract a million birds to come to the feeding grounds and then since it is so BLISTERINGLY cold out there, the bread is solid rock so the dear old birds fly to the roof tops and smash it on the shingles and patter about trying to eat the stuff. It's a good thing I love being home, or I might have woken up ticked this morning.

By the way, sorry I have been gone so long if you were wondering where I've been. Here is the story since I last posted. Sorry, it's a little long.

I don't really know what to write. This homecoming, this past weekend was not at all what we had all envisioned: big welcoming party at SEATAC, going shopping at the Outlet mall, staying up late looking at pictures and sharing memories and just enjoying being home. God had other plans and though I see His hand of timing through it all, it is still hard to adjust - hard to even believe all the stuff that happened the past few days.

I guess I'll start with Thursday. I got news that Uncle Dave wasn't doing well and my family was driving up to Kelowna to be with the family. We changed my flight to fly into Kelowna and my dear friends at the collage gathered around me and we prayed. Friday morning, in class, I got the text: "Uncle Dave is with Jesus. Hallelujah!" and well, everything changes. I couldn't go back to class but had a nice quiet time with my dear friend Elisha. God totally sent her there for me and we could comfort each other and talk and it was okay. Since I couldn't be home with my family, there was no better place for me to be. I thank God again and again for putting with that group of people. They were so awesome and supportive.

Leaving school was hard. We drove off in a big caravan at about 2 and it's weird how I feel like I've left a piece of myself there and with those people. God is really doing stuff in our class and I miss them already. Hours later I get to Tatiana's house and stay the night with her, then we drive out at 8:30 the next morning to the Denver airport (that place is HUGE by the way and just SLIGHTLY intimidating...I admit, I almost threw up but I survived). Got on the plane at 12, got to Seattle at about 2ish, got on another plane at 3 (oh but before that I had to find the gate - had to TAKE A TRAIN!!! - I felt so independent and smart finding it all on my own but in reality, it wasn't hard. The airport people are quite talented at making stuff easy to find - thank goodness!).

So I got Kelowna at about 4:30pm but had to wait a hundred hours to get off the little plane (which Dad told me was so small that we were going to do a loop-de-loop before we landed...didn't happen but it was atrociously loud in there). Then I had to wait a million years to get my bag - BY MYSELF because we came from the US and had to go through customs which was another billion year long line-up. However that wasn't bad because as I'm standing in line all antsy I hear a whistle, look up and through the sliding door leading out of customs I see my siblings with balloons waving frantically and shouting. I wave back and as the doors slide shut everyone in line slowly turns and looks at me and I'm like..."hehe, my family..." and I can't help but smile. So that happens a few more times and then suddenly I hear this garbled, "Annaaaaleaaaa???!! Analeeeaa!!" and so on...and my brother is at the wall (which is like not a real wall) and he is on the floor trying to see me under it...and then he is at the crack saying my name and I can see their silhouettes through the wall but what am I supposed to do, just yell back with all these strangers in line who already think I'm a weirdo?? haha This one old lady is like "they sound pretty excited" (I'm thinking...well that's an understatement, they sound like crazies!!!) and I'm like, "I've been gone for awhile.."

So I finally get through customs and there they are! My sisses with balloons and an obscenely bright poster and my Mom and Dad, my brother, my cousins, the Swaans, my grandparents and the whole seen is so perfect, well as perfect as it could be in the situation. After much hugs and a few tears, I get to hug my beautiful nephew, and then I spot a Tim Hortons cup and have an immediate craving and I want to kiss the ground cuz there is really no place like Canada, people!

It was hard though because my homecoming was tempered with the news of Uncle Dave and I was so glad to be there to comfort my dear cousins and Auntie but could've talked for a year about all my stories and couldn't stop hugging people and smiling. It really was a joyous occasion because Uncle Dave is in such a better place, but it is so hard being back here you know. I had bursts of joy tempered with sadness and it was just a confusing mix of emotions that really leaves you quite exhausted.

So we drive home on Sunday and I talked the ENTIRE drive home. Most of you won't be surprised by this. It was the shortest 3 1/2 hour drive ever!

It is so amazing to be home, back in Abby. A few things have changed...and the cold was unexpected (I just left this weather in Jackson!) but it's my town, my people. There is really no place like home and it's great to be back

What about God?

Have you ever really thought about God? Just sat there and contemplated Him? I mean, the implications of a real, active, powerful God living today are huge! but even more frightening is the idea that there is no God. For if there is no God, then there is no reason to live. Ask yourself: does the fact that God exist, really matter? Why?

If God did not exist, there would be no purpose, no absolutes, no morality and no hope. The very existence of God gives us the life we have. Without Him, there is no point.

The above question may have been answered easily and by rote for many of you but now I ask you to contemplate: What if you could have heaven (no pain, no tears, perfect happiness, complete, eternal bliss) - without God? Would that be enough?

This question really made me think. It really gets to the core of why you believe. I mean, how many of us will say that the fear of hell had nothing to do with their salvation? How many of us would claim that they haven't ever just wished this life were over so that they'd be in heaven - not thinking only of God's presence, but a rest; a relief from the struggles of this unfair world? How many times do we comfort the mourning with "don't worry, they are in a better place" or "he doesn't feel anymore pain" or "next time you see him, he will be able to run and pick you up in a hug". Don't we all just ache for the day when we have brand new, perfect bodies? I must admit that the joys I imagine when I think of heaven don't always list God's presence at the top. But this question has changed that view for I took it really seriously. For awhile, I kind of panicked, to tell you the truth. I felt for a moment so shallow and pathetic but I thought about it more and I now know for sure the answer to that question beyond just the Sunday school-taught response.

Heaven would not be enough without God. As Pastor Don said, paradise is wherever Jesus is - but what if you could have paradise without Jesus? Well, I contemplated this and realized some basic things: my life on earth is pointless without God, and hopeless without my savior - why would heaven be any different? Furthermore, I realized the blessings I have received through my relationship with Christ and how much more would blessings abound seeing Him face-to-face!? I realized that you could conjure up the greatest bliss, the most beautiful place, the perfect world but it would all be fake because as soon as you take God out of the picture there is only emptiness, worthlessness, and purposelessness. A paradise without Him would be one in which we were all robots with no emotions, no opinions, and no ability to enjoy because there would be no reason for such feelings. Without God, we are dead, no matter in what condition or circumstance we find ourselves whether in heaven or hell.