I'll be home for Christmas

It's really over.

Over the last three days I have hugged, cried, and waved as I watched my dear friends drive away. It's hard, being the last to leave. I'm not going to lie, it's a lonely place tonight on this empty campus. I'm all packed up, ready to head out tomorrow afternoon, ready to start the next step.

The last week here was packed with such amazingly awesome times. We stayed up late, played games, chatted about anything and everything, went out to eat, played broomball (still sore, but SO worth it), and just ENJOYED each other. I also finished my work here, well obviously the book will be a continuing project but we are as complete as we can be on our draft, waiting to hear back from the editors now. It felt so bizarre to finish up everything. So fulfilling, yet it left me feeling all jittery and odd. I was rather hyper and giddy as well. As you can probably guess, it made for an exciting evening.  :)

And so now, I sit in my lonely, empty house. Looking around as memories flash by me. I hear echoes of laughter, can still feel the hugs of my friends, and see glimpses of their twinkling eyes. How I will miss living here and being a part of their lives in this way.

I still can't get over how I blessed I am. As I was packing I came across a picture of me from my very first day in Jackson Hole. I stared down at the girl in the photo, looked into her uncertain eyes and asked, "Would you ever have guessed? Could you ever imagine God would have given us this amazing year and a half?" I remember clearly that girl, I know her well, she's still very much a part of me but, well she's also practically a stranger. God has grown me so much over the last 18 months. I have experienced so much, learned so much, and I pray matured and grown wiser through it all. I have never before had such a great trust in God and His plan, a dependance on His faithfulness. Truly, even though I am uncertain about my future, I am sure that He is in control and so I rejoice at the uncertainty, for through it, God will prove faithful yet again.

And so Canada, watch out. I'm coming home.

Off the beaten path

I hear it's good to pave your own way,
to be original, to break the mold.
Apparently it's not admirable to just follow the trends,
stick to the easy road.
SO I decided to try it,
to push aside my inhibitions,
to venture beyond my comfort zone,
to branch out.
I stepped off the beaten path...

into a foot of snow
which quickly spilled over into my shoes
wet my socks and froze my ankles.
I almost fell over, gave a slight cry of shock
and scarcely missed jabbing my eye out on a tree branch...

as I scrambled back to the safe route.

And so I've decided to wear boots next time I go on an inspirational jaunt.

ten days

Ten days. I will be home in ten days.

I don't know if these tears that well up in my eyes come from joy and anticipation or if perhaps they testify to the ache in my heart when I think of leaving this place, these people, this task I have been blessed with. The past almost 18 months spent in Wyoming have impacted my life in so many ways and I hate to leave it. The last 5 1/2 months I have spent working on this book, serving at the school, have been such an incredible blessing. What a joy it has been to serve my Lord in this place. I have enjoyed each and every day with its specific trials and delights. I admit that I walk into this next chapter of life with much apprehension about my purpose. I never want to stop serving God, glorifying Him with all that I am and do and that's been so easy here. I know that I can do that wherever I am but as of yet, it's just not clear to me what I need to be doing upon my return. That's nerve-wracking to me, but really it's just another opportunity to trust my Father and His plans.

"And those who know Your name will put their trust in You,
For You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You." (Psalm 9:10)

And so in these last ten days, the final pages of this amazing chapter God has written in my life, I will continue to serve, to love, to find joy in each moment, praising Him for this gift. I will let myself cry but I will not dwell in unhappiness. I will let my heart ache but with joy, storing up these memories as precious treasures. And I will look forward to the change, with a firm confidence in God's provision, with excitement for His plans for me, whatever they may be.

Ten days.

Eight thousand, seven hundred and sixty hours

 

One year later; it feels like more and yet sometimes just a day

And there's still nothing they can do, nothing they can say

Surely they can't think it's really any easier

Surely they don't think you've healed

Just because you don't cry as much

Just because you keep the pain concealed

Even you think you should move on

Even you know life is just unfair

But half of you is still in pieces

Because half of you is no longer there

Healing can't erase the ache

Time can't mend the scar

Even as you learn to live again

You're still finding who you are

One year later, you're still breathing, still getting up each day

You know it's only because God has been with you all the way

Human strength just isn't enough

Human strength cant get you through

But joy is found in Him alone

And comfort from He who carries you

Even though it's still a struggle

Even though the pain's not gone

His sufficiency is proven in your life

His mercies are new each dawn

Truly you are forever changed

Truly life will never be the same

But you know for sure how it will end

And you can keep that hope aflame

365 slow days. 52 long weeks. 1 impossible year.

You're really just 8760 hours closer to never shedding a tear

the first

she's the first to hold you close
the first to love you heart and soul
she's the first to wipe your tears away
the first to teach you how to pray
she's the first to teach you wrong and right
the first to scold you for a fight
she's the first to buy your socks and shoes
the first to cheer even when you lose
she's the first to bake your favourite meal
the first to give you a disciplinary spiel
she's the first to praise your finger-paint art
the first to try to put back the pieces of your heart
she's the first to teach you how to sweep the floor
the first to worry when you leave to explore
she's the first to warn you "drive carefully"
the first to stay up waiting earnestly
she's the first to tuck you into bed
the first to forgive what you've heartlessly said
she's the first to encourage you to fly
the first cry as you wave goodbye
she's the first to pray for your future hopes and dreams
the first to calm all your emotional extremes
she's the first to notice something is wrong
the first to to lend her strength when you aren't strong
she's the first to offer her everything
making all the difference but not even realizing

Thanks Mom, for being there, always first.

Let the giving begin!

Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure—pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return. - Luke 6:38

I was so blessed yesterday to spend a couple of hours with the Bible School girls out in town shopping. But it wasn't just your average shopping trip! It was truly a special time.

We piled 12 of us into a couple vehicles and hit the dollar story, a regular girl-gang! There was much laughter and smiles as we grabbed baskets and headed through the aisles in search of special gifts; gifts not for ourselves, not for each other, but for little children around the world who have never received anything before. That's right, we were filling shoe boxes for Operation Christmas Child! If you have never heard of OCC, let me explain. Samaritan's Purse organizes the program every year in which you fill a shoe box with gifts, hygiene items, school supplies, etc and then they give them out to children in different countries around the world as Christmas gifts. Along with each box, they give the Gospel message. Lives are changed, whole villages are impacted and a child is given a special joy.

Moreover, it is such a joy to be the giver. One of my very favourite Christmas traditions, (and appropriately placed around thanksgiving time as well when we are all very aware of our own blessings) I enjoyed every minute of scouring the store for each special item. I packed the box with love and then my friend,who joined me in buying the gifts for this specific little girl, joined me in prayer for her and the whole program. I know that God can really use my little efforts and make a difference in this little girl's life and I'm excited to perhaps be a part of that blessing. I encourage all of you to get out there and fill a box. National collection week is November 14-21 so there's still time, no excuse people! Check out the website if you have questions: http://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/OCC/FAQ