Snail Day

Wet wet wet

Grey skies mirrored in shallow puddles

Flattened grass, moist earth

Dripping tree branches

The snails reign

Leaving slimy trails along the sidewalk

Curly shells perfectly designed

Each pattern unique

Beady eyes searching and twitching

Slow, steady, soggy adventurers 

Speedy Snail

Peek-a-boo Snail

U-turn Snail

Stand-off Snail

Explorer Snail 

Bruised and Broken

Surrounding and Surrounded

I am here, so near

Touch me, feel me, see me

Yet I’m beyond your reach

Stretching away, beyond measure

Leaving you behind, leaving all

I am alone

Surrounding and surrounded

Uncontainable, distant, unknown

And yet caged, held captive

Restrained, held by invisible chains

But I am free

Wild and dangerous

Violent and untamed

Fearsome and unpredictable

I am awesome and powerful

But I welcome you, small one

With gentle arms           

With comfort and pleasure

You will be safe

And happy

But you will be wary

Though you love me

You do not know me

I am a mystery

Despite your searching

You cannot wholly discover me

And what remains unknown

You will fear

Finding February

February feels odd to me this year. I'm not sure why. I mean, perhaps it's related to my previous post about the sudden realization of change... but maybe it's also because I've just never really thought about it. 

This second month of the year doesn't really have a lot going for it you know. No big holidays. No change of season. And it's that oddly short month on the calendar. How many days again? 28? Wait, is it a leap year? How many would it have in a leap year again? Who decided on that system anyways?? It's still winter in February but it's not really known for its winteriness...at least not here. It's just chilly and wet and a short stopping off point on the way to spring I guess. 

We had sun this week though. And it's been uncharacteristically warm, though still cold enough to wear my new fuzzy boots and red mittens. It was rather pleasant, if I do say so myself. I was out walking and I was feeling sorry for this morose short month. The brief moment of sunshine made me realize that its rather grey most the time. Everything has a dull tone. Grey skies, grey-brown trees, the dead leaves have lost their luster, even the grass is rather dull. Winter has seeped into the heart and soul of the earth and it's just waiting for the uplifting fragrance of spring. 

And so I decided to capture this sunshine and search for the beauty I know is out there, the beauty that makes February, well, February.  

Tomorrow...

Well I had grand intentions of writing a few more detailed blog posts about my trip this summer but time, it would appear, has gotten away from me. Perhaps I will yet come back to the topic but for now, I am about to embark on a whole new adventure.

A train.
A big city.
A fast paced intensive course.

New people.
New places.
New challenges.

I've been waiting anxiously for this day to arrive and now it is only hours away. I am taking my first big step towards a career in journalism... I am tempted to dissolve into tears of anxiety; to drown in the dread of the unknown. But...

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:6-7

I believe in God's promises. I can not thank Him enough for His provision and His peace and His protection. I am blessed beyond imagining. He has promised to guard my heart and mind in Christ and I believe He does and will continue to.

I know that He has lead me here. I know taking this course is my next step. Now I know I need to give God the little things that have me worrying. Because He is sovereign over them too!

I remember, on our trip this summer, being fascinated by the little things; the tiny details God has designed in creation. I marvel over the work of little caterpillars.

I stare in awe at the intricacy of a flower.

I study the tiny designs in the leaves.

God's glorious fingerprints are everywhere; the evidence of His care and precision and attention is all around me in the inanimate world. How much more will He give His care to the details of my life? Small things like getting a good sleep tonight, arriving at the train on time, finding parking, where I sit in class, who will sit beside me, who my professors are, and what they shall teach me...all this is in His hands and will follow according to His sovereign plan.

And so. Tomorrow is coming. No sense in worrying. I rest in Him. May His will be done, for His glory alone.

Would appreciate your prayers as I embark on this journey.

Prepare to Believe

It's impossible to really describe a walk through the creation museum. All the emotions you feel as you take step after step through it...it's hard to describe. It's like walking through our world and yet not - more like standing helplessly watching it revolve around you. It's like being a part of our history but not - more just watching from the outside. The exhibits come alive and it feels like it's you that is frozen in one state. I don't know how I appeared on the outside but my heart was in turmoil as the minutes turned to hours and I was drawn through the different scenes. Slowly I began to see. Slowly I began to understand. Slowly I saw our world, our history, through different eyes.

This is one of the very first exhibits you see and when I looked up at it and read the two quotes, it really hit me hard how pathetic we are. Descartes' famous line looks so weak next to God. With all our knowledge, our stacks of books, our years of searching, mankind is still so far from understanding. We are helpless to explain our purpose, our very existence. And yet we have such a high opinion of ourselves. We think we have accomplished so much. "Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away" (James 4:14 emphasis added). In contrast God says"...I am the first and I am the last, and there is no God besides Me" (Isaiah 44:6); "...I, the Lord, am the maker of all things, stretching out the heavens by Myself, and spreading out the earth all alone" (Isaiah 44:24); I am the Lord, and there is no other; besides Me there is no God...that men may know from the rising to the setting of the sun that there is no one besides Me. I am the Lord, there is no other, the One forming light and creating darkness, causing well-being and creating calamity; I am the Lord who does all these" (Isaiah 45: 5-7)

The questions resonate deep inside because we've all asked at least on of them at some point in our lives. Taking the time to stand and take in the devastation that follows from the wrong starting point really helps you to appreciate the hope presented by the truth.

This exhibit displays some of the ways God brought His Word together

Satan has been attacking God's Word since the beginning, since the garden. He questions God's truthfulness, God's authority; he tries to get us to doubt and many times he succeeds. Just read through a few of the attacks on Scripture throughout history and you will be astounded at how the evil one has made this such a priority. After all, if we doubt God's Word, how can we trust the God who wrote it?

Reject God and our world falls apart. Walking through the hopelessness and destruction caused by a life in rebellion against God was depressing and humbling. We are truly, wandering in purposelessness without Christ.

After this dark room of sad reality, you leave our present world, walking through a dark tunnel filled with blinking stars and start right at the beginning...

Adam naming the animals in Eden

Pure innocent bliss. The garden is beautiful, the music is soothing. Everything is perfect, unique and good. I love this exhibit because it just shows the two amazing created beings, living in pure joy and yet above them the snake is watching, planning, waiting. Satan is never absent. He is ever ready to make a move and destroy.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places." (Ephesians 6:12)

The contrast from this quiet place of happiness and peace into the dark, bleak rooms following is an amazing portrayal of the devastation caused by sin. You begin to walk in a subtle descent as the perfect world dissolves into one of terror and violence. I shuddered inside as I walked past angry animals, Abel's murder, a room accosting me with images and sounds of fighting,and  bombs,and  floods, sickness, anger, jealousy...black black sin. My heart ached and I felt tears welling up.

And then the ark. The beautiful yet tragic story floods my heart with sadness but also hope. Righteous judgement is placed alongside unwarranted grace. The contrast in this miniature display is clear. I stood studying the tiny desperate people, startled at the detail added to each one. They were real human beings who rejected God and faced His wrath. And I can't help but think how it is really no different today. Are you on the ark, safe from destruction? Or clinging to the rocks, facing impending doom? 

And then...the new start. A new, clean world. The jagged mountains, a testimony of the past destruction, all around them, Noah and his family praise God among the flowers. What a devastating truth must have hit them as they walked out of the ark. The only human beings alive on the whole earth, nothing familiar, starting over by themselves.

Yet, it's sad to think that it wasn't long before mankind again rebelled collectively at Babel. And then imagine the grief of separation; the fear in all the confusion, the anger, the resentment, as man is scattered around the globe.

Will we ever get it?

The walk-thru exhibits end with a short but convicting film of the life of Christ, the Lamb of God, the Last Adam. And I walked out quiet. Contemplating all I had seen and read and felt. It was overwhelming. Not only amazingly well put together and detailed and beautiful, but if you let it, a walk through the museum will touch your heart and teach you truths in a way you've never known them before.

I really can't tell you any thing more. I mean, I could go on and on but really, you must visit this place yourself to understand. Even if you've grown up in a Christian home and think you know all the answers, all stories, all the true history...go. You will be glad you did. You will be encouraged in your faith, strengthened in the truth, and emboldened to share.

And even if you have never touched Bible, never stepped inside a church...go. Just check it out. What can it hurt? I must warn you though, if you go, prepare...to believe.

Lavender Sky

sunlight kisses the mountains as the shadows grow long

walking under a clear sky that's still holdin' on

to summer, though green is slipping away

overtaken by yellows, browns, reds – more everyday

though even the warm breeze denies the truth

as I crunch those first leaves I see the proof

that those days are long gone, just memories now

but I've still got the smiles that they endow

and I can look up with joy at the brightly clothed trees

knowing change is beautiful, just like the leaves

in a sudden rush of wind they come cascading down

tickling my cheek and painting the ground

where they scamper about, first here then there

and I know I could be like them, carefree if I dare

to follow His leading, to embrace the changes He brings

to know, for believers, that He works all things

together for good and just like the colours of fall

He can paint a new picture when I follow His call

the waving trees seem to applaud as I reach this conclusion

the grasses nod in agreement; this joy isn't delusion

I take a deep breath of that colourful air and I sigh

and praise God for life, tonight, under the lavender sky

Just Look Around...

We were half way up the trail to Paintbrush Divide when Kenton made a statement that really hit me. He had just stopped for a brief rest and looked around saying, "Wow, sometimes you just gotta stop and look where you are!" This was in reference to the amazing view, the awesome surroundings in which we had found ourselves, hiking in the Teton backcountry.

As I too stopped and took in the amazing view, the Grand standing soberly in the distance, Lake Solitude resting in stillness and silence at the end of the canyon, the blue sky spotted with fluffy white clouds, I was struck by how often I go through life without looking up and around at where I am. How often do I just trudge along following the path in front of me. I follow after the boots in front of me, doing what others have done before. I maneuver around the obstacles in my path, trusting God for a way. I pace myself up the steep inclines, relying on God for strength and knowing He'll get me to the top. I pick my way carefully among the teetering rocks, looking to God for guidance with every step.

But though I am working my way through life, trusting God the whole way, I often forget to stop, and look around, to realize WHERE He has brought me and to praise Him for how He was led me here! Sometimes I focus so much on the little things and yes, God has proven unbelievably faithful in those things, leading me step by step along His path, that when I look up and look back at where I have come, I realize with new appreciation how MUCH His guidance has affected my life.

For instance, each day I spend here, working on this book, I am again and again coming to Him for guidance and wisdom because I feel so inadequate and incapable of doing this thing but I am also so thankful for the opportunity and how much I am learning. And then, on this backpack trip it hit me that not only has God been teaching me to trust Him while writing this book, but He is teaching me to trust Him with every aspect of my future because I have NO IDEA where He will lead me next. I look back on myself, a year from now and I see a timid girl, excited to start a new adventure at Bible school but insecure and thinking I had to plan out my whole life. Now, I find myself back in this amazing place, totally at home, able to encourage others, giving my life over completely to God's will and not trying to force my own plans. I find myself overwhelmed with God's blessings. Not only has He led me back here, given me a project which I am passionate about to work on for His glory, but He has blessed me with innumerable opportunities like this, my third backpack trip into the Tetons!

So when Kenton said, "you just gotta stop and look where you are", I did stop and it hit me: here I am, in the middle Grand Teton National Park, hiking with an amazing group of people, in Wyoming! This time last year, I thought I'd be sitting in a classroom listening to lectures about unimportant people, places, and times. God works in mysterious and mighty ways which we can never anticipate. So I encourage you, to not only focus on each and every day, but to take some time to look around at where God has you; to praise Him for what He has done in your life and for where He has led you; to realize that each day that you have been trusting Him has been leading you higher and further towards His ultimate goal and plan for your life.

"and the Lord will continually guide you , and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail" - Isaiah 58:11

Sock tan, sore muscles and two blisters later...

That's right, I've been backpacking! :)

Despite the unhappy prospect depicted in the title of this post, our 2 1/2 day trip was fantastic! So, let me explain...we found out that the college backpacking trip that usually happens...well, it wasn't really legal because you aren't allowed to take groups of over 20 people into parks or "wilderness" areas, so the past few weeks has been a mad scramble to figure out what to do with the students this year. It was decided to take them in groups up into Grand Teton National Park for two nights, not ideal but it would get the students out backpacking and it would be fun to show them the back country Jackson Hole. So on Thursday the staff headed out to check out what the hike would be like...

What a hike it was! We booked it in there and out in high gear man! To avoid a novel-length post, I'm just gonna give ya the highlights:

- 3 miles in we spent an hour chillaxin at these amazing pools. SO awesome!

- finally at our campsite about 7 miles in (around 4ish), we set up our tents and ALL of us just crash and sleep for about an hour. BEST nap EVER!

- mange (which means "eat" in French for those who ain't bilingual) some MREs which really shouldn't taste that good! Seriously, just add water?

raspberry crumble...dessert anyone??

- about 7:30 we all head to bed because we can't survive the hordes of mosquitoes

"wilderness mocha"

- up half the night listening to a porcupine chew on backpacks, and shoes...

- day hike to Death Shelf = 3 miles to the shelf, 3 miles along the shelf...6 miles back (poor Jess's back almost went out at the end of the shelf making the 6 miles back to camp VERY long)

Tetons from Death Shelf

our camp was in this canyon, to the right

-blown away by the amazing views. It's unbelievable that THIS much beauty can exist in a sin-cursed world, devastated by a flood!

- awe-struck by God's amazing gardens up there!

- amazed at our bodies ability to KEEP MOVING. Seriously, it's like my feet were just programed to keep moving, they surely didn't want to at the end of that day hike!

- bed at 8 second night (again with the mosquitoes) and up at 6:45am ready to head back at 8:30

- 7 miles in 2.5 hours!!! we is beast my friends!!!

- SHOWER (it's amazing how great it feels to be clean after that!)

So there's the trip in a nut shell. The theme of the hike was "flat as Kansas". Scott kept saying it would be flat in the canyon, then up on the shelf...neither of which was flat AT ALL! (we began to wonder if he'd ever been to Kansas!) So many hilarious jokes and laughter the whole time. I seriously love these people and love hiking and LOVE God's creation! Being out in it, falling asleep to the sound of water cascading over rocks, waking up to the warm morning sun, walking through fields of wildflowers which smell like heaven...how blessed I am to have this experience!